Dirty Magic: A Snape Collection
by Amara Anon
Summary: Tales of young Severus Snape and the infatuation that shaped his life. What did he write in his journal? What desperate measures were taken after the 'Mudblood' incident? What did the Sorting Hat say when it saw inside his mind? Book 6 & 7 Spoilers.
1. Dirty Magic

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. 

_A/N: Inspired by the song "Dirty Magic" by The Offspring. In accordance with rules, there are NO lyrics in this version, though._

**Dirty Magic**

* * *

_September 1975_

So begins my fifth year at Hogwarts.

I'm writing this now by wand-light in my dormitory at the end of the first day. Since stepping onto Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, all has been going the Half-Blood Prince's way.

Arrived on the train late, but through a stroke of great fortune, spotted Lily instantly. She waved me over—saved a seat in her compartment just for me. We talked over the entire ride to Hogwarts.

Great news—identical class schedules this year! (Except for Muggle Studies, can't believe I couldn't talk her out of that one.) But still. Ecstatic.

Lily looks more radiant in her school robes than in anything she wore all vacation. Though I don't deny the Muggle clothes in summer had their… advantages.

One thing that happened on the train in particular stands out in my mind. She said it was really great to see me smiling again. I told her it was nice to have a reason to. Then she squeezed my hand.

I want to remember this forever.

All in all, a brilliant day. Even managed to avoid running into Potter and his insipid fan club.

Everything seems to be going my way. I'm going to tell her finally… as soon as I work up the nerve.

Have decided this is going to be the best year of my life.

* * *

_October_

Big Quidditch match took place today. Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor. Glad it wasn't a Slytherin match so I could sit with Lily. Don't understand her fascination with such a stupid sport, but excellent opportunity to spend time with her.

Today's game ran particularly long. Grew cold toward evening. Offered Lily my scarf. She seemed truly grateful. Am starting to see the merit in Quidditch after all.

Only thing to mar an otherwise perfect day was none other than Bighead himself. Probably caught the Snitch by cheating anyway. It's the only way he could possibly be so good.

Tried to explain this to Lily but she brushed me off and gave me a dozen reasons why he couldn't be cheating. Her face lit up in a way I've never seen before when he caught the Snitch, and then she spent the rest of the evening gushing over what a hard maneuver it was. I almost couldn't hold down my supper.

Somewhat mollified by Lily's assurances that Potter's only good attributes are on the Quidditch field, but still. Don't know what she sees in these airheaded athletic types. Worthless gits.

Ordered a subscription to Quick Quidditch SeQuets last week. Magazine still hasn't arrived yet. Growing impatient.

* * *

_December_

Holidays.

Home again.

Lily's sick, stuck in her house, can't come out. Her imbecile Muggle parents won't let me visit her. "Contagious," they said. That repellent Muggle sister of hers gave me a dirty look, and I almost didn't stop myself in time from hexing her.

If only we could perform magic outside school, I'd mix up a healing potion right away. Damn Muggle medicine is insufferably slow and almost completely ineffective. At this rate I won't see Lily again until we're back at Hogwarts.

Mum and Dad are still at it—exactly the way I left them in September. I expect they haven't stopped yelling at each other since.

Have decided to lock myself in my room till it's time to leave. I doubt anyone would notice.

Wish Lily were here.

Miserable.

* * *

_February_

Valentine's Day.

Saved up all year to buy Lily a respectable present in Hogsmeade. Found the perfect emerald bracelet (fake but pretty) to match her eyes. Bought it during the last village trip. Impatiently kept it hidden away ever since.

Efforts to give it to her completely foiled.

First attempt at breakfast. Tried desperately to catch Lily's gaze from across the Great Hall at the Slytherin table. Was just about to get her attention when that arrogant ass Potter magicked a pink paper airplane directly into Lily's hair.

The resulting clamor—damn those giggling girls Lily hangs out with—thwarted all attempts. Could not read Potter's note at such a distance. Very distressed.

Breathed a sigh of relief when Lily read it and rolled her eyes. No doubt Potter thought he was being clever and failed miserably.

Disturbed to see Lily store his note in her robes instead of throwing it away though. Almost threw the bracelet out then and there, I was so angry, but came to my senses when I saw her laughing with her friends.

Afterwards, she left for Hogsmeade without me. Couldn't find her all day. Very aggravating.

By supper, back at Hogwarts, I was so distraught I hid in some bathroom. Put the bracelet down on the sink for one second. Met the most incredibly annoying ghost girl, wailing about how she never got a Valentine in her life. I innocently listed a few choice reasons why that might be. The little wench screamed at me, grabbed the bracelet, and disappeared into the nearest toilet!

Spent the next two hours sticking my arms down the drain to no avail. Lost the bracelet.

And still cannot get the smell out of my robes.

Potter's lapdog Black saw me in my filth-covered state and couldn't keep his fat mouth shut. Engaged in a short hexing match. Would have got him too if he hadn't caught me unprepared. The lucky bastard completely swelled up my face like a giant red heart. Itched like mad.

Tried to reach the hospital wing undetected. Bad luck—ran into Lily and a group of those grotesque Gryffindor girls on the way. They couldn't stop laughing. Even Lily smirked, though when I ran away she called after me.

Completely mortified.

All her fault too.

Don't know why I go through all this torture when she can't even be bothered to make time for her best mate.

* * *

_March_

A miraculous thing happened today.

I made up with Lily during Double Potions with Gryffindor. Good thing too, as being her Potions partner was getting increasingly awkward.

Slughorn doesn't even check up on us during class anymore—he knows we're the two best students—so it was easy to talk about other things instead of focusing on the shrinking potion.

She asked me why I've been so cold lately. I nearly burst a blood vessel—how could she be so clueless? But somehow I let slip that you'd think she would have gone with her best friend on the last trip to Hogsmeade, and she became completely apologetic.

Apparently she had assumed that I was going with my Slytherin friends again like last time. She claims I ditched her before. This completely flustered me—of course I couldn't go with her last time! How else to buy the bracelet in secret? I never thought she'd take it so seriously. Girls are so sensitive.

Anyway, I told her that wasn't the case, and she looked straight at me and apologized.

I'm glad I don't have all this over my head anymore. It was getting harder and harder to focus and study lately, and I can't risk that. Not with O.W.L.s coming up.

My affection for Lily is stronger than ever. The year is almost over and I haven't told her yet…

And here I almost thought I was done with this girl. Who was I fooling?

Avery and Mulciber keep harassing me about her. They can't understand why I'd want to hang around "a filthy little Mudblood" like her. I was almost beginning to agree with them.

But somehow, when I look into Lily's eyes, something about them keeps pulling me back in.

* * *

_May_

There.

I've decided.

I'm going to tell her as soon as the O.W.L.s are over.

I've read that sentence over ten times now and my heart feels as though it wants to escape through my throat.

Keep trying to tell myself it's ok. I know she'll feel the same way.

She has to.

* * *

_June_

Worst day of my life.

Who would have thought when I woke up this morning—it feels a lifetime away—so excited for the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L., finally, that it would end like this?

It's not the exam I'm upset about. I'm sure I got an Outstanding on my O.W.L.

I don't even care.

It's all Potter's fault. I want to strangle him. I want to summon every curse and hex that ever was and place them upon him. It's his fault, it's his fault, it's his fault.

He made me say it.

He made me call Lily that word.

He made me do it.

Not that she would understand or forgive me.

I tried everything to make her forgive me.

I never saw such coldness in her eyes.

It's all over.

She won't even talk to me now. She won't even look at me anymore. I already know it. It's like for once I'm actually having a goddamn premonition. Never was even a bit good at Divination in my life. But I know. I can see the train ride home alone. I can see her avoiding me, I can see that horse-faced sister of hers sneering with glee, finally glad to be rid of me. Finally glad that Lily thinks just as little of me as she does.

Lily said I've chosen my way, and she's chosen hers.

Since when did our ways separate?

I swear I'll hate Potter for the rest of my life.

I have to get her back.

I'm going to get her back.

She can't stay mad at me forever.

* * *

_Halloween 1981_

I found this old journal today.

Not much was left of it, and what remained was cracked and yellow. Most entries I destroyed long ago in a fit of rage, details of those loathsome Gryffindor boys, Potter and his lackeys. The only writings that survived pertained to my Lily.

It is for her that I am doing this. I can hardly read my own words now as I write this, my hand is trembling so hard.

She is dead.

And it is all my fault.

And now I know what I must do. Even though it is certain to lead me to my own death.

No one must ever know.

So now there's only one thing left to do…

I'm going to memorize these pages, and close this book for good, and lay it to rest in my fireplace where all will turn to ashes.

Then I must see this through to the very end.


	2. Amortentia

**Amortentia**

Steam was rising in spirals all around sixteen-year-old Severus Snape in the tiny, decrepit tool-shed behind Spinner's End. The wooden walls of the old shed were already showing signs of rotting through, and the fire from his cauldron turned the cramped space into an oven, but Severus considered it the perfect location for his current occupation. It was the only place at home where he could be certain of complete and utter privacy, and brewing a potion this intricate and dangerous demanded security from interruption. His father's Muggle tools and an old, rusting manual lawnmower rested in the corner, untouched for years judging by the condition of the garden outside.

He had used this shed for practice and experimentation before--a Babbling Beverage he had concocted the summer before Fourth year had been put to exquisite use on Potter--but the potion he was currently brewing was not a matter of fun and leisure. This was most serious business.

Pervading the air of the shed was a variety of scents rising from the cauldron. There was the musty waft of old books... and the slight but unmistakably bittersweet scent of spilled blood... but one scent overpowered the others by far... a dainty, lilac scent... Severus inhaled intently, and finding everything to his satisfaction, uncorked a vial and filled it to the brim with the potion, its iridescent mother-of-pearl sheen visible even here in the dark of the shed.

He had never made this particular potion before, but there was no doubt in his mind of success. His Potions textbook lay open beside him on the small workbench; it had never failed him before. In his Third year he had stolen--or "covertly borrowed," as he liked to think--the N.E.W.T.-level book and had been studying it, practicing it, and perfecting it ever since. He liked to make annotations in the margins of all his ideas and discoveries as they came to him, and for the first time in three years, he had reason to turn to the page he had long ago simply marked, "For Emergencies."

Hiding the vial next to his heart under his school robes--for he was already wearing them in anticipation of tomorrow's journey from King's Cross--he extinguished the fire, plunging him into total darkness, before opening the shed door and dumping the remaining contents of the cauldron onto the earth. All that he needed now rest by his heart.

Tomorrow, Lily Evans would be his.

-

Trepidation consumed him during the entire train ride to Hogwarts.

He had arrived late to King's Cross--his mother and father had been waylaid by a disagreement over the consistency and edibility of that morning's breakfast--to find that all the Slytherin compartments were full, and he'd had no choice but to flit from one compartment to another like a lost and injured bird, until he finally found one that would have him, a group of Ravenclaw girls that eyed him with disgust and sat as far away from him as possible, but nonetheless were civil enough not to throw him out.

In return, he tried to make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible, scrunched into the corner by the window with his face stuffed into a book, pretending to read. His heart was pounding wildly against the vial by his chest. The last compartment he had entered in unfortunate haste had found him staring face to face with Lily, who looked shocked, then angered. He had stared into her eyes for one excruciating moment, her hatred not lost on him, before dashing out of the compartment as quickly as he had come, to the sound of giggling Gryffindor girls.

It was the first glimpse of her he'd had since their last day at Hogwarts the previous school year. All summer she had gone to her very best efforts to avoid him--and Lily's very best had always been very good. He had hoped--no, prayed--that all would be forgotten, that a summer's worth of time away from him had cooled her temper, and when she saw him again she would welcome him back as her friend with open arms, and the wretched vial by his breast could be disposed of. But seeing that look in her eyes had wrenched this dream away from him. The eyes that he loved so much held only purest hatred for him. Severus had no choice. Tonight, during the feast in the Great Hall, he would slip the vial's contents unawares into Lily's pumpkin juice, and then he'd never have to suffer a sour look from Lily Evans ever again... such was his naivete.

Severus knew well that the affects of Amortentia were temporary, but he was so sure that Lily's love for him was Fate, inevitable. All it needed was a kick-start, a nudge in the right direction, and she would see him forever finally the way he had seen her from his very first look upon her all those years ago. Of this he had convinced himself, and why not? What hope would he have if it were not true?

-

By the time he was seated at the Slytherin table in the Hogwarts Great Hall, and all the newly sorted first-years had joined them, and the start-of-term feast had begun, Severus had worked himself into a rigid board of anxiety. Perspiration was dripping into his eyes, and involuntarily his hand went to his heart, as though to confirm that the bottle of Amortentia was still safely there.

He barely took two bites of food, even though the feast spread before him was as lavish as ever, and he hadn't eaten one lick on the day-long train ride, despite the fact that he'd actually managed to save a bit of money for it this year.

"What's with you, Prince?"

Avery was eyeing him from across the table.

"You look paler than usual. Didn't catch some filthy Mudblood disease over the summer, did you?"

Severus jerked his head, but didn't answer. He had just spotted Lily across the room at the Gryffindor table, smiling and chatting animatedly with her friends. His stomach gave a lurch, and without a word, he rose from the table and sped out of the room, ignoring the calls of his Slytherin friends after him.

Avery leaned over to Mulciber and whispered, "Told ya he was gonna be sick."

Mulciber just nodded, busy stuffing his fat face with food.

-

Severus walked out of the Great Hall as fast as he could without breaking into a run, his skinny legs working stiffly. Instead of heading for the bathroom, he snaked past the marble staircase and disappeared behind a door to its right, hurrying down the stone steps beyond it. He emerged in an expansive stone corridor whose walls were covered in portraits, where he had only ventured once before when tailing Potter and Black. It was Potter whom he had seen stop in front of a painting of a giant bowl of fruit, tickle the pear, and thus unlock the secret door that led to the kitchen beyond. And so he would have Potter to thank for the bit of mischief that would send Lily into his arms... Severus felt a sinister bit of irony in that.

Once in the kitchen, Severus paused, a bit overwhelmed by the busyness of it all. Over a hundred house-elves were bustling about the enormous room, many of them preparing and laying out the desserts that were about to be sent above to the Great Hall.

Worming his way between the four long tables that filled the kitchen, with many a house-elf stopping to curtsy or bow as he passed, Severus finally spotted what he was looking for. Several dozen goblets were arranged in rows according to drink, waiting to be sent up as soon as someone's glass upstairs was empty. With shaking hands, he took out the bottle of Amortentia and emptied its entire contents into one of the goblets of pumpkin juice--Lily's favorite. Then he beckoned to the nearest elf.

"You there," he said, feeling a small sense of satisfaction in being able to order someone around. He had never had that liberty before, growing up as he did, poor. "Come here this instant."

A skinny elf with overlong ears and a doorknob-shaped nose rushed over, carrying a tray of crumpets. He smiled and bowed before Severus.

"Zippy is at your service, young Master. Zippy is doing anything for you. Would the young Master likes a crumpet?" he said, offering the tray in his hands.

"No, no, never mind that," Severus snapped, snatching the tray away from the elf and setting it down on the table. "I have a special job for you... Zippy, was it?"

The elf practically squealed with delight at the request. "Zippy is doing anything for you! Zippy is honored that the young Master would entrust him with this task!"

"Excellent." Severus lifted up the goblet of pumpkin juice that he had spiked with Amortentia. "I need you to ensure that this goblet is delivered to a particular person. Can you do this?"

"Why, yes, young Master!" Zippy said, bowing again. "That is simple elf magic. All I is needing is a name, sir."

"Evans," Severus enunciated slowly and clearly. "Lily Evans. Got it?"

"Lily Evans, sir! I is happy to be seeing this up to her, sir!" Zippy said, taking the goblet and holding it close like a cherished thing.

"It must be sent to the right person, do you understand?"

"Of course, sir. Zippy only aims to please. Why, if I was to be making a mistake, I would punish myself most expertly, sir!"

Severus narrowed his eyes. The creature looked very foolish to him in its tea towel toga, but he had no choice but to trust him. "Very well."

"Will the young Master take a crumpet on his way out--"

"NO!"

And with that, Severus brushed past the elf and hurried back out of the kitchen, through the corridor, up the stone steps, and into the Great Hall where he resumed his seat at the Slytherin table, sweating fiercely.

"Geez, mate," Avery said when he returned, "you look worse than ever."

The tables were laden with desserts now, treacle tart and rice pudding, chocolate gateau and apple pie...

Severus glanced nervously at the Gryffindor table, where Lily was just now taking a sip from her almost empty cup. He waited on pins and needles, praying that she was still thirsty and would finish her drink in time for the new one to be sent up.

Minutes passed, but they felt like hours to Severus, and still Lily had not finished her drink. Severus had stopped making pretenses of looking casually around the room and was flat out staring at Lily, silently urging her to drink. For a moment he entertained the notion of hexing her mouth dry or sending a Pepper Enchantment her way, but he couldn't do it. Even if the end result was innocent enough, he couldn't bring himself to use a curse on her that he would have normally reserved for Potter. In his intense state, Severus paid no attention to the conversation Avery and Mulciber were holding beside him, until Mulciber said a word that caught him so off-guard that he instinctively tuned in.

"... Charged with _rape_?"

"Well, the use of a magical aid to commit rape, yeah," Avery said. "It's one of the toughest cases Dad's had since he's been at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. But Dad's the best defense attorney the Department's got. I'm sure his client will be cleared. Dad's cooked up a brilliant defense."

Mulciber looked positively gleeful. "Tell me already."

Avery took a long draught of pumpkin juice before licking his lips and continuing. "Dad's built his case on the fact that the plaintiff--some filthy Mudblood girl--gave her consent knowingly and willingly. Of course, the prosecution contends that her consent was worthless on account of her being under the influence of a love potion at the time. They claim she didn't have free will, but it's all a sketchy gray area, these love potions and things. Dad's client will be acquitted, sure thing..."

Throughout this conversation, Severus had found himself growing paler and paler, as though he were going to be sick. But he did not hang around to hear Avery and Mulciber laughing, for at that moment he saw, as though in slow motion, Lily finally pick up her glass and drain the last drops of pumpkin juice in it, and then a new goblet--the one he had tainted with Amortentia--appear instantly before her. As soon as it did, it was like a jolt to Severus's heart, and he found himself running like mad across the Great Hall, past the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables, all the way to the end of the Gryffindor table where Lily sat, many heads turning to watch the strange Slytherin boy with interest, and just as she was raising the goblet to her lips, he grabbed it from her, lost his balance, and dumped the entire glass of juice all over her head.

The noisy hall seemed to grow suddenly silent to Severus's ears. He heard isolated sounds amplified in his head--the gasps of Hufflepuffs, the angry shouts of Gryffindors, and the hoots and laughter all the way across the room from the Slytherins, who were watching in amusement.

Lily was staring up at Severus, stunned and angry and--worst of all--hurt.

"I knew you were a jerk..." she said lowly, her voice burning with hatred, wiping the juice out of her eyes, "but I didn't know you were a childish prat to boot."

"I-- I--" Severus was too horrified to say anything, and how could he possible explain his actions anyway? He was so stunned by what had just occurred that he didn't have time to react to what happened next.

"Snivellus!" a voice bellowed from behind him, and suddenly he felt himself being lifted upside-down into the air by a familiar, silent curse to the cheers and jubilation of all around him. James Potter had rushed up behind him from the other end of the Gryffindor table, red in the face with fury, and had hit him with _Levicorpus_ before he knew what was happening.

"That's enough!" he heard the stern voice of the Gryffindor Head of House calling as she rushed over to the scene. By the time Potter had let Severus down--none too gently, he hit the cold, stone floor with a thud--both boys had received detentions and been marked off five points each for their respective Houses. Professor McGonagall told Severus to go back to his own table in a commanding voice and swept away as though the matter was finished before he could even pick himself up off the ground.

"Severus."

He looked up to see Lily regarding him almost with pity. Her voice was soft. For a moment, he thought she was about to help him up.

"Don't come near me ever again."

And Severus watched as she turned her back on him, and sat back down with her friends, and then a helpless rage filled him as he saw Potter flash him a dirty look and sit down beside her. His knees and chest ached as he got to his feet and slunk back to the Slytherin table, sinking down, exhausted, next to Mulciber.

"That was brilliant," Mulciber was saying.

"Yeah, too bad Potter had to go and spoil it," Avery added.

"I'd thought you'd been avoiding that Mudblood girl, but I didn't realize you'd finally come to your senses."

"Good for you, Prince. Never got what you saw in her anyway. Filth like that is beneath us."

Mulciber nodded his agreement, and the two of them went over the "brilliant prank" with relish. They took Severus's silence about his newfound vendetta against the Mudblood girl for modesty, never guessing that inside that cold exterior he felt like he was dying.

-

That night, when he was back in the Slytherin common room, Severus tore out the page in his Potions book with the instructions for brewing Amortentia, balled it up, and threw it into the fire, where it shriveled up and died quickly in the flames.

Avery looked confused behind him.

"I've seen you carry that book around for three years like it was your own child," he said. "What the hell are you doing?"

Severus did not answer him, but instead walked into his dormitory, climbed painfully into his four-poster--for his knees still ached--and closed the curtains, where he remained without speaking to anyone for the rest of the night, feeling slightly nauseous.

A more timid man would have accepted defeat then and there, but such was not the character of Severus Snape. As long as Lily Evans lived, there would in his heart remain a shred of faith, and the hope that one day she would be his.


	3. Just For One Glimpse

**Just For One Glimpse**

Severus hated going to Lily's house. Somehow her horse-faced Muggle sister always answered the door when he came to call, like she was spying out the windows for him and waiting behind the door like a cat ready to pounce on its prey before he even rang the bell.

This time was no different. Petunia's bitter face looked uglier than ever as her eyes roamed over Snape from the top of his greasy head to the bottom of his ragged shoes, full of loathing. Severus regarded her with no less distaste.

"Where's Lily?" he said without preamble.

"None of your business," Petunia spat and rushed to shut the door in his face, but Severus pulled out his wand and froze it so quickly that he must have expected this.

"It is my business," he said, his voice dangerously soft, "because I haven't seen her in three days."

His wand was still pointed toward Petunia. Her face had gone stark white, and she was working frantically against the stuck door, which wouldn't budge an inch. Severus advanced half a step, and she whimpered.

"She has chicken pox!" Petunia stammered. "She'll be stuck in bed for two weeks!"

Two weeks? Her proclamation fell upon Severus like a death sentence. It may as well have been a lifetime's imprisonment away from Lily, the way it affected him.

"Let me see her," he demanded.

"No! She's not allowed visitors!" And as Petunia resumed shoving her entire skinny frame against the charmed door, she began screaming for her parents.

Severus's eyes narrowed and he swept away, pointing his wand over his shoulder and slamming the door shut in Petunia's frantic face.

He wasn't ready to accept defeat, not yet, not ever. Severus swore to himself that for the rest of his life he would never let anything stand in the way between him and Lily Evans, least of all a barrier as flimsy as a childhood disease. Even if he had to sleep outside her window all night just for one glimpse of her face, he would see those green eyes again.


	4. The Sorting of Severus Snape

**The Sorting of Severus Snape**

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The shout that rang throughout the Great Hall was just a word like any other—ten letters, three syllables. Indeed, it had already been called several times by the Sorting Hat with no major repercussions. But this time, when the old, frayed hat shouted that loathsome word, it had an immediate and unusual affect. As soon as it was called out—in fact, as soon as the first syllable escaped the Sorting Hat's brim—young Severus Snape, no more than 11 years old, moaned in despair the way only a child can, as though the door to a candy shop had just been slammed in his face.

He had watched with nervous anticipation as Lily Evans, his one and only friend, ever, had walked up to the stool facing the four long, crowded tables of the Great Hall, picked up the Sorting Hat, and placed it upon her head. Severus hadn't even had time to pray for her to be put into Slytherin, so quickly the Hat had called out _"Gryffindor!"_ and dashed his hopes to pieces.

Lily gave him a brief look as she walked over to the cheering Gryffindor table, as though wanting to make sure he was okay. She knew how much he prized Slytherin House and had expected her to be in there with him. He was so distraught that he couldn't even take comfort in the brilliant way Lily snubbed that horrible boy from the train as she sat down next to him at the table.

It was almost too much to bear when the boy's friend—a snooty, black-haired kid named James Potter—was also sorted into Gryffindor and sat down with them. Jealousy flared up in Severus like a snake rearing to strike at the sight of Potter so close to Lily where he could not be.

Severus was standing alone, a bit separated from the others and feeling very exposed, by the time his name was called; barely anyone was left to sort by then. As he walked up to the stool he heard faint traces of snickering coming from the Gryffindor table. He turned his head and saw Potter and Black looking at him and whispering to each other. With a sneer he picked up the Sorting Hat and placed it upon his head. It fell down over his eyes, so he did not see it when Lily turned to give a disgusted look to the boys beside her.

Clouded in the darkness of the Sorting Hat as though blind, Severus expected to instantly hear the word "Slytherin!" just as quickly as Lily's House had been chosen, but what happened instead surprised him. The Sorting Hat started talking to him inside his head where no one else could hear.

"Hmm," the Sorting Hat said in a small and dusty voice. "This one's a pickle... A cunning intellect... lots of pride... a determination for greatness... and courage, can't forget that, a fair bit of courage... you would do well in Gryffindor, no doubt..."

For a fleeting instant, there came an image in Severus's mind of Lily and a spark of hope, but just as quickly it was extinguished by a deluge of fear and his mother's scowling face, and her words echoed in his ears, how Slytherin was the only House worth being in, and then she too morphed—Snape didn't know why—but suddenly all he could think of was his despicable Muggle father, and a swell of hatred surged up inside him, and that image was the last one he thought of as the Sorting Hat spoke.

"Well, if that's how you feel about it... better be SLYTHERIN!"

The last word it had shouted out loud.

Severus felt relieved as he pulled off the hat and took his rightful place at the Slytherin table. He reached up to brush his forehead absentmindedly and realized he was sweating. The Sorting had been a dreadfully intrusive experience, and he tried to forget it and enjoy the feast.

When the banquet was over, and the Houses started lining up to be taken to their common rooms, Severus found Lily in the crowd. He had to make sure of one thing.

"I'll still see you around, right?" There was a twinge of desperateness in his voice.

"Of course, Severus. We'll always be friends." Lily smiled at him and touched his shoulder, and Severus left to join the Slytherins feeling strangely calm and happy, confident that despite the circumstances, Lily Evans would always be near him.

It was many years later when Snape finally realized, with no small amount of self-loathing, that it was the choice he had made that evening—a choice made in the ignorance of youth—that had sealed his fate from his very first night at Hogwarts, and would eventually drive Lily away and out of his reach forever.


End file.
